Billy Madison is a 1995 comedy film starring Adam Sandler in the main role. The movie became one of the most popular of Sandler’s movies and is often called his best. Over the years, it has gathered a cult following, with many of its quotes and quips entering the lexicon.
Adam Sandler’s Billy Madison is already entering its third decade. Let’s take a look at this iconic character and laugh at some of his most memorable quotes.
“You know, some people have no willpower, no ambition. They just drift through life like lumps of crap.”
Veronica Vaughn
“Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can.”
Billy Madison
“I am the smartest man alive!”
Billy Madison
“Give me one more chance, I’ll prove I can take over. I’ll do anything it takes.”
Billy Madison
“I don’t know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.”
Billy Madison
“It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here. I gotta send him back to the South Pole.”
Billy Madison
“You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes.”
Brian Madison
“I’ll turn this dumb bus around. That’ll end your precious little field trip pretty dumb quick, eh.”
Bus Driver
“Don’t tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one’s outta control.”
Ted ‘Old Man’ Clemens
“Ooh, that boy’s a fine piece of work all right. He’s a fine piece of ass though, too.”
Jaunita
“Making fun of a little kid trying to read! Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?”
Veronica
“When I graduated first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”
Frank
“You got a banana, you don’t need a snack pack.”
Juanita
“Well, I made the duck blue because I’d never seen a blue duck before, and I wanted to see one.”
Billy Madison
“Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.”
Billy Madison
“Well, I think it’s an excellent blue duck. Congratulations Billy, you just passed the first grade.”
Miss Lippy
“Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing.”
Billy Madison
“I’ll go back to high school and take the exams again, and I’ll get the diploma all by myself.”
Billy Madison
“Billy is not an idiot.”
Carl Alphonse
“High school is great. I mean I’m learning a lot. And all the kids are treating me very nicely. It’s great.”
Billy Madison
“I hate cursive and I hate all of you!”
Billy Madison
“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Principal Anderson
“What is a horseshoe? What does a horseshoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?”
Old Farm Lady
“Now you’re all in big, big trouble.”
Billy Madison
“Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest. Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.”
Billy Madison
“The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think, ‘You got a pet. You have a responsibility.’ If your dog is lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits.”
Billy Madison
“O’Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family’s going down. But right now, I gotta study.”
Billy Madison
“I must find a way to destroy Billy Madison.”
Eric Gordon
“Feel those kicks? He’s gonna be a soccer player. He is.”
Billy Madison
“You know something? You suck!”
Billy Madison
“Hey kids, it’s me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a haemorrhage in my head!”
Clown
“Well, ‘sorry’ doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?”
Eric Gordon
“That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.”
Bus Driver
“Billy likes to drink soda. Miss Lippy’s car is green.”
Ted ‘Old Man’ Clemens
“Have some more sloppy joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for you. I know how you kids like ’em sloppy.”
Lunch Lady
“Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock—r—o—k?”
Billy Madison
“Okay, a simple ‘wrong’ would’ve done just fine.”
Billy Madison
“You know how badly I could beat you, right?”
Billy Madison
“Are you falling’ in love with the wall’ or somethin’?”
Billy Madison
“I’m not saying he’s an idiot. I just think he might not be mature enough to run a ‘Fortune Five Hundred’ company.”
Eric Gordon
“Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you’re looking for?”
Brian Madison
“I’ll tell you who it was, it was that damn Sasquatch.”
Tour Guide
Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barabara, it’s one of those flaming bags again.”
Ted ‘Old Man’ Clemens
“If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”
Old Farm Lady
“Who would steal 30 bagged lunches?”
Veronica Vaughn
Frank: “Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?”
Billy Madison: “Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?”
Frank: “1974.”
Billy Madison: “Meg Ryan.”
“Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap.”
Principal Anderson
“I’ve got some important news for you. Eric is pregnant.”
Billy Madison
“I see your lips moving, but I can’t make out the words. I’m deaf! Ohh, Veronica Vaughn. Soooo hot! Want to touch the hiney!”
Billy Madison
“This is the best night of my life.”
Frank
“You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants.”
Billy Madison
Billy Madison: “Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can’t remember! What’s today?”
Frank: “October?”
Billy Madison: “It’s Nudie Magazine Day!!”
“That is the grossest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Let’s go.”
Billy Madison
“I’m sorry. I can’t hear you, I’ve been physically abused in the ear.”
Billy Madison
“No milk will ever be our milk.”
Veronica
“Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.”
Scotty
“Well, not me personally, but a guy I know.”
Bus Driver
“So what’s it like, being back in school?”
Veronica Vaughn
“Here’s a nice piece of shit.”
Billy Madison
“Snack Pack? You’re the coolest!”
Billy Madison
“That’s not fair. Rizzuto’s not a word. He’s a baseball player. You’re cheating.”
Billy Madison
“If you’re going to stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.”
Juanita
“You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks or I’m gonna fail you. End of story.”
Veronica
“Uh! Okay. The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called ‘The Puppy Who Lost His Way.’ The world was changing, and the puppy was getting bigger.”
Billy Madison
“No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the Chlorophyll.”
Billy Madison
“I’ll get you damn kids for this. You’re all gonna die.”
Ted ‘Old Man’ Clemens
“I know now that I shall never escape my fate as the Revolting Blob.”
Principal Anderson
“Take it easy, Billy. Things were going along great until this wrestling freak messed things up. Billy should get another shot at high school.”
Billy Madison
“I disagree. It’s a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best video game ever.”
Billy Madison
Billy: “Take it easy psycho. You blew it, you lose.”
Eric: “I ought to blow you away.”
Billy: “Well go ahead and do it. (Eric begins to fire his gun at Billy). YIKES!!!!”
“It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around. I gotta send you back to the South Pole.”
Billy Madison (Drunk, he sees a fake a penguin)
3rd Grader: “How’s high school Billy?”
Billy Madison: “High school is great. I’m learning new things and everyone is really nice.”
3rd Grader: “Gee, I can’t wait till I get to “hike” school.”
Billy Madison: “[grabs 3rd grader’s face and whispers] Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.”
“He called the shit poop. Ha ha ha.”
Billy Madison
Teacher: “Spell”couch “.”
Little girl: “Couch. C-O-W…”
Billy Madison: “No!”
Teacher: “[to little girl] No, I’m sorry, that is incorrect
[to Billy]”
Teacher: “Billy, if you spell this correctly you pass second grade.”
Billy Madison: “Couch. C-O-R, uh, are you going to the mall today?”
Teacher: “No I’m not goin to the mall, keep spelling, mister.”
Billy Madison: “Couch. C-O-U-C-H!”
Teacher: “That is correct!”
Billy Madison: “I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!”
Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.
Billy Madison: I disagree, it’s a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.
Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!
Billy Madison: [shouting] Where’s my snack pack?
Juanita: You got a banana, you don’t need no snack pack.
“He’s going to shit when he realises it’s shit!”
Billy Madison
“Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot so it kinda works out.”
Billy Madison
Adam Sandler is currently one of Hollywood’s most well-known comedians. After his appearance on Saturday Night Live in the 1990s, his career took off, but he soon found himself playing the lead in more than ten sitcoms. Even while Sandler has had his share of duds, such as the summer 2011 film Jack and Jill, many of his comedies are still entertaining today.
Sandler has many memorable films, such as Waterboy, Big Daddy, and Happy Gilmore. But of them all, Billy Madison is one of his best. Like most of Sandler’s films, Billy Madison has a lot of memorable quotes that still make fans crack up when they watch the film again.
Although not all his comedies have been critically acclaimed, Adam Sandler continues to have a major impact on the genre. While classics like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore remain popular with fans, the comedian also has a lucrative deal with Netflix that ensures fans will be getting more of Sandler’s work in the next few years. With fans watching more than 2 billion hours of Sandler’s Netflix content since The Ridiculous 6 hit the streaming service in 2015, the demand for Sandler’s comedic style is clear.
Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I’m an idiot, so it kind of works.
With the whole story of Billy Madison revolving around the main character, who returns to school at the age of 27, it makes sense that according to his speeches, Billy is a little… shall we say… dimwitted. Among his many prom parties, Billy and Veronica started dating a few.
Billy Madison would be a very short film if Billy was intelligent, but at least he realizes that he should be in school.
Billy Madison is a comedy through and through, but there are some scenes that made Adam Sandler an iconic comedian.
Wrapping Up
Billy is not as smart as a typical 27-year-old, but he completes what he intends to do, from the first to the twelfth grade. Billy is always very proud of himself, whenever he fixes the smallest thing and we hope that this article inspired you to celebrate your victories, no matter how small they are.
